Envy
by The Cheshire Cheese
Summary: After breaking up with Neelix, Kes starts to realize just how difficult maintaining a social life among non-Ocampans can be. Luckily Sam Wildman is there to help. Shipmates speculate on the true nature of Kes and Neelix's relationship, while Kes tries dating someone new. In the end, it seems everyone on Voyager has something someone else longs for. (One-shot, kind of random.)


**A/N: Coupled with the way Neelix always treated Kes, and how passive and stereotypically feminine she was, I find it quite disturbing that we barely ever see or hear about her socializing with other women. Or anyone outside the senior staff, for that matter. Since I like Neelix in most of the series, I'm writing this to offer some innocent explanations for why his relationship with Kes looked so bad.**

 **This takes place shortly after "Warlord."**

 **I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."**

* * *

It was a slow day in the bio lab. As Voyager's Xenobiologist, Sam Wildman had been lucky enough to study some of the most alien life forms known to Starfleet. But there was nothing particularly interesting about the DNA samples she was taking notes on today. No aliens from another dimension, no hybrid individuals, no shape-shifters, just some very Earth-like animal species the away team had scanned on the latest planet they'd visited.

When the work got slow, the gossip began. Sam, for the most part, tuned out the conversation of Jarot, Mar and Annalie. Jarot, Voyager's only full-blooded Betazoid, was their expert on microorganisms. Mar Javin, an old un-joined Trill (often mistaken for a black human from afar) was their marine biologist. And Annalie Blackhorse, the ship's botanist, was supposed to be focusing on the alien plants she was observing. But Sam wasn't about to blame her fellow scientists for getting sidetracked; being stranded on a ship in the Delta Quadrant made for a lot of long stretches of boredom, and when something exciting did happen, it usually happened to the senior officers. Sam ignored her comrade's conversation until she heard Kes's name.

"I never liked how Neelix treated her," Annalie muttered. "I can't tell you how glad I am they broke up."

"I agree," Mar said. "Kes is so young and passive, watching Neelix act so jealous and controlling around her was frankly a little disturbing."

"I _disagree_ ," Jarot cut in, somewhat sternly.

Mar glanced at the Betazoid. "You never had a problem with how Neelix treated Kes?"

Annalie added, "You never found it _suspicious_ , how a girl dating such a jealous control freak never seemed to have any friends outside of work?"

Jarot jerked her head in a Betazoid eye-roll. "Starfleet officers constantly forget that their comrades come from different species. What you're describing might be 'red flags' for a human or Trill relationship. But Kes is a _telepath_ , and from what I've seen, her intuition is as good as any telepath's. She is not as vulnerable as you think she is. As for her social life, that too might be normal for her species. Ocampans only live nine years; they simply may not be wired for juggling multiple relationships during such a short lifespan."

Annalie grudgingly accepted this. "Her life span's short alright. Which is why it'd be a shame for her to waste it with someone who treats her like... that. I work with Kes a lot, you know, in Airponics." As ship's botanist, it was Annalie's job to provide Kes any scientific information needed to manage her garden. "She's told me why she sticks with—well, stuck with—him. She felt she _owed_ him, for rescuing her. And on her world, you pick one mate for life; break-ups and new relationships are taboo. Convenient for Neelix."

Mar made an agreeing face.

Sam shot an angry look at the botanist. "Annalie, how can you talk about Neelix that way? He's our moral officer! He's got a stressful job, made no more easy by the fact that his entire family was killed and his home-world destroyed."

Annalie nodded sarcastically. "Seska might've had a bad childhood too. I guess that excuses how she treated Chakotay."

"What do you think Neelix was doing, beating her?" Sam shrugged. "Alright, they weren't perfect together. So now they've split up, end of story."

"Sam knows Neelix _and_ Kes better than any of us," Jarot reminded them. "Maybe better than anyone on this ship."

"And I also know a bit about being in a mix-marriage." Sam added. "When I was dating Greskrendtregk, some of his family thought I was mistreating him, when I called him 'cupcake' or 'sweetheart.' In some Ktarian cultures, comparing a person to food is considered very degrading; it has links to some ugly historical events in some regions of Ktaris, like slavery. I had no idea of course. Then when we were discussing the possibility of having children, my parents were put off when Gresk suggested being a stay-at-home father. Which of course is commonplace on Ktaris."

"I hadn't thought of any of that," Mar admitted.

Annalie just stared at the wall, as if still dissecting her own opinion on the matter.

Sam shook her head dismissively. "You were just concerned for your shipmate, it's a good thing." Turning back to her work, she finished, "Kes is watching Naomi for me right now. When I get off my shift, I plan to check up on how she's doing. I can give you all a full report tomorrow."

* * *

"Jarot's right," Kes said over her tea, "We aren't a very sociable species, at least compared to most."

The two women sat on Sam's sofa, watching Naomi play with her stuffed animals. Despite being less than a year old, the girl's Ktarian half ensured that she was now beginning to walk and learn some words.

"Is it partially from living in hiding for so many generations?" Sam asked.

Kes shook her head. "No, I mean, even within the Ocampan society. It's unusual for a person to have more friends than they can count on their fingers. I think it's our lifespan, like Jarot said. We develop so quickly compared to humans or Talaxians or Betazoids. We just don't have time to take in all the relationships you do. I have _friends_ besides Neelix, though. The Doctor, Tom, you."

Sam watched Naomi pull herself up to a stance, with the support of the coffee table, and practice walking.

"Kes, have you thought about socializing with people outside the senior staff?"

"I have done, on occasion. I've had meals with other crewmembers, made an effort to get to know the people I'm treating in Sickbay. I spend time with the other telepaths a lot. Ensign Blackhorse and I chat in Airponics while we're working, though she can be a bit hard to follow."

Annalie liked sarcasm almost as much as B'Elanna Torres, which could certainly make for some language barriers when speaking to a species that didn't utilize irony as much.

"Kes," Sam said, "Stop me if this is too soon. But have you thought about dating? To help move on, from Neelix?" Quickly she added, "If you were a human I know it would definitely be too soon. But,"

Kes grimaced. "It's so hard to say. Ocampans don't usually have multiple relationships in their lives, like other species. When an Ocampan couple comes together, they form a telepathic bond, that makes it virtually impossible to develop feelings for anyone else, or want to be separated, no matter how much your personalities clash." Regretfully, she added, "I'm afraid that's a big part of why Neelix was so jealous. An Ocampan man wouldn't have been affected that way. But the chemistry between our two species seems to have been toxic."

Sam matched Kes's regretful expression. "Neelix does seem to be a lot more placid, now that you two are separated."

"When I met him, he was so jolly, so compassionate. Maybe his temper just comes more from his past, he's been through some terrible things. I don't know," Kes shook her head. "I'm just afraid of how a bond with me might affect a human. I know Tom finds me attractive. But if I paired off with him, who knows how his personality might change."

Sam jokes, "Maybe he'll lose interest in being a flyboy, and transform into a sap who never stop smiling!"

Kes's lip curled, as if the thought were too revolting to even contemplate. "If I do date again…I think it should be another telepath. Someone who can mentally defend himself from my, my physiology."

Sam shrugged. "We have a few eligible male telepaths onboard. I can try to set you up with someone."

"I am somewhat curious," Kes admitted. "I feel so wrong, like a pervert. But it's really begun to intrigue me, how people on this ship can explore so many romantic possibilities so in-depth… My mother would be horrified if she heard me saying this." Kes's face fell for a moment, at the memory of her deceased parents. Then she managed a smile. "Yes, I think I'd love a date."

"How about a Vulcan," Sam suggested. "They're telepaths, and they have a, uh, physical limitations."

Kes nodded, understanding what Sam meant. Ocampans only truly mated once in their lives, during the Elogium. Vulcans, once every seven years, for Pon Faar. In the past, Kes had confided in Sam, the difficulties she and Neelix had had, trying to figure out how to maintain a physical relationship with their differing physiologies and sex drives. (Mercifully, she'd never gone into detail about exactly what Neelix had to stick where, or how they'd "compromised.")

"A Vulcan might work," Kes mused. "I'd been thinking lately, if Tuvok had a son my age...that sounded strange."

Sam laughed. "We'll find someone."

* * *

Ensign Vorik seemed the perfect candidate for Kes. Not only was he a telepath with "physical limitations" as Sam had put it, but like her, he was attempting to move on from a previous relationship; his arranged fiancé back on Vulcan, who he'd concluded would have given him up for dead by now and selected another mate. They'd agreed to meet for dinner on the holodeck. When Kes had suggested a meal on Vorik's home-world, she'd been somewhat surprised when he'd suggested Sandrine's instead. But maybe it was a good idea to have their first date someplace familiar and casual, among friends.

Sandrine's was crowded when they arrived. Both were dressed casually; Vorik in his usual engineering uniform, Kes in her green and silver jumper. Several of their comrades were milling about the French bar, a few seemingly on dates of their own. Jor and Tabor chatted quietly together from a corner table. By a window, Tal Celes and Billy Telfer discussing a diagnostic the former was working on. Tom and Harry were playing pool against B'Elanna and Mariah Henley. Neelix, luckily, was nowhere to be seen.

Vorik chose a table near the pool game, which made Kes a bit worried. She wasn't sure just how deeply Tom's crush on her ran, and dating Neelix had begun to make her a bit paranoid of male jealousy. But maybe B'Elanna's presence would work into Kes's favor; she'd always had a feeling the two of them were drawn to each other, though they'd both beam themselves into space before admitting it.

"So," Kes said after a few moments of awkward silence, "do you come to Sandrine's often?"

"Sporadically," Vorik replied, with a glance towards the pool table. "My interests tend to be more profound. I enjoy reading about quantum physics, and the biographies of famous engineers. I'm currently reading about Montgomery Scott of the Enterprise."

Kes nodded politely. Was it her imagination, or was Vorik speaking more loudly than necessary?

"Did you always know you wanted to be an engineer?" Kes asked, trying to keep up the conversation.

Vorik raised an eyebrow. "I always knew I wanted to be a scientist. Though I tried my hand at a number of challenging areas."

Kes smiled. "Vorik, my ears are as big as yours. You don't have to talk so loudly."

"My apologies," the Vulcan's voice softened. "Did you know you wanted to be a medic when you were a child?"

"No. I had no idea I had the potential for that career until I helped the Doctor treat Neelix, after the Vidiians stole his lungs. I did always want to be an explorer though. My parents more than encouraged me." Her eyes wandered her plate. "I miss them."

"Was it difficult to leave your home world behind?" he asked, sounding sincere.

Kes gave it some thought, then shook her head. "No. My father died in an accident shortly after my first birthday. My mother," Kes wasn't used to revealing this information. But seeing as the point of a date was to get to know someone, she decided to take advantage of the opportunity to "get it off her chest," so to speak. "My parents were both late bloomers, hitting their Elogiums late in life. By the time I was reaching adulthood, my mother was entering the Morilogium. One of the last things she told me, while still in her right mind, was to 'go find the sun.' I saw her one last time, before deciding to join Voyager with Neelix. I said goodbye, but she didn't even recognize me anymore."

Vorik could only stare. "That must have been difficult."

"It's the norm for Ocampans. My father's death was actually more difficult, as my mother and I weren't prepared for it."

They continued to eat and make conversation, Vorik constantly glanced at the pool table. Kes wondered if the Vulcan knew about Tom's crush on her, and feared competition. She did her best to keep his mind on their conversation. After a while, Kes began to realize that it wasn't Tom Vorik was trying to keep tabs on.

"My apologies again," Vorik said, after she'd caught him zoning out in the direction of the pool table for the eighth time. "You are far more apt at making conversation than I am."

"Well I've had my practice," Kes said. "When I was held prisoner by the Kazon, I learned all kinds of tricks to get people to reveal information to me. At first I was trying to form an escape plan, but after a while it was just because I was bored."

"What did the Kazon talk about?"

"Battles, mostly."

"Indeed," Vorik said, actively working to keep his eyes from shifting towards B'Elanna again. "The Kazon seemed very much like Klingons. Though the latter have far more intriguing cranial ridges." Raising his voice once again, he boasted, "I once bested a Kazon, when they took the ship. During the battle when they boarded the Voyager, I attacked one from behind with the Vulcan neck pinch, just as he was raising his gun towards Lt. Torres,"

"Vorik," Kes sighed. "I'm starting to get the feeling that you only agreed to date me to make someone else jealous."

At the pool table, B'Elanna seemed perfectly oblivious to the Ocampan and Vulcan conversion feet away from her. The chief engineer was busy aiming her pool stick, and exchanging banter with Tom.

Admitting defeat, Vorik replied quietly, "You are a very observant individual, Kes."

Blinking slowly, Kes rose from the table. "I'm going say hello to Sandrine. It was nice getting to know you, Vorik."

"Likewise," the Vulcan said in a distracted voice, his attention now back on the half-Klingon before him.

Kes left the bar after a short chat with the holographic owner. Non-sentient holograms made Kes uncomfortable. The Doctor was a different story—he was clearly a person, as far as Kes was concerned, just one who's mind was stored in the computer, and thus off-limits to her. But the figures of the holodeck were a bit surreal to be around. They looked, sounded, and felt like real people, but a telepath could sense no mental activity from them. Was it because they truly were just props, as everyone on Voyager assured her? Or did they have a consciousness hidden away, like the Doctor? It wasn't something she liked to think about.

Kes was about to leave the holodeck altogether when Tal Celes caught her eye. The young Bajoran was sitting alone by the window, looking over the information on her PADD with frustration. Billy Telfer had been with her earlier that night, but now he was gone. Kes recalled Sam's advice on socializing outside the senior staff. Just because romance hadn't worked out tonight didn't mean a platonic friendship couldn't.

"Hello Tal," Kes said, coming up to the Bajoran's table. "Or is it Celes?"

"I'm 'Crewman Celes," she replied. "You can call me Tal. Bajorans usually put the family name first, but some switch it around when serving in Starfleet. You wanna sit down? Billy's had to run, he's got the night shift tonight, so his chair's opened."

"Thank you." Kes took a seat. "What are you working on?"

"A diagnostic for Ensign Delaney." Tal grimaced. "No matter how hard I study I can never make heads or tails of this technobabble. Billy was helping me before…"

"It took me a while to learn all I needed in Sickbay," Kes offered, trying to lift Tal's spirits.

Tal replied with a tight, dubious smile. "What, a week?"

"Well, to an Ocampan it felt like 'a while,'" Kes defended.

"How I envy you," Tal muttered. "What I'd give for a photographic memory, and a sped-up learning process."

"It's not all it's made out to be," Kes said. "I have nine years to pursue a career, family and life. Ocampans don't have the time to explore all the options that a Bajoran does. Be grateful you have time to do things at a slow pace."

Tal's brown eyes fell, sympathetically. "I never even thought of that." She seemed at a loss for words, fiddling with the PADD in her hands. Finally, she changed the subject. "Do you know anything about stellar cartography?"

"I… can't say I do." Kes glanced behind at the pool table, which was now out of use. Tom and Harry were at the bar, talking to Sandrine. B'Elanna, Henley and Vorik were nowhere to be found. "Looks like the pool table's opened. I've been curious about how to play."

"I can teach you," Tal offered. "Sort of. This diagnostic's not due for another two days. Let's see if we can't talk Paris and Kim into a few more rounds."

* * *

 **A/N: Drabble be drabble.**

 **I came up with the idea of the Ocampan mind-bond in a previous story, to explain why Neelix's personality changed so much for the better after breaking up with Kes, and why Tom was so wildly out of character when married to her in "Before and After."**

 **All characters in this story are canon, except Annalie Blackhorse, and (kind of) Mar Javin. Annalie, I created for my one-shot "New Age Hippies," and has since appeared in other stories of mine. Mar Javin is one of the background crewmen you see throughout the series, and elderly black man. He looks human, but I'm sick and tired of all the humans in Starfleet, so I made him an un-joined Trill, with the excuse that his complexion hides his spots from far away.**

 **Jarot shows up in the Season 5 episode "Counterpoint." All we know about her is that she is a Betazoid, and she wears a green science uniform. Mariah Henley is from the Season episode "Learning Curve," and is a former Maquis.**


End file.
